Seriously nobody likes a stalker (unless you are a vampire...then apparently it's fine.
No, dressing up as a vampire does not count. No.).
When I first joined one of the dating sites I received this message:
Subject: Hi i'm ****
i would like to here the lady GaGa story, if your willing to tell it.
Ignoring the awful confusion between here and hear (man is clearly an idiot…) at this point I would have probably replied to him; it was one of the first messages I received, he took a genuine interest in my profile (normally two thumbs up) and I was still in my slightly naïve sweet phase…thankfully his profile picture deterred me. He had a
moustache. We all know that only Italians and pirates can look hot with moustaches! Everyone else is a rapist, serial killer or German pornstar.
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| The Italian football team...oh hello there boys! |
That message was sent in the 5th of June…the next day this began:
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun
From: ****
Subject: what?
are yoy realy that shy that you dont want to e-mail back?
I wonder if he can actually read, maybe he is in fact a blind man, I mean that would explain the moustache as well as the appalling spelling. Am I being a bitch to a poor visually impaired man? Ooh I wonder if he has a dog, I really like dogs...
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun
From: ****
Subject: when you get board
when you get board of talking to yourself, come and talk to me.
Hmmm again confusion of 'board' and 'bored', maybe there is some joke I'm not getting...what could the board represent…or maybe he is really
that dumb and would struggle to outwit a retarded hedgehog...I'm going to guess he's an idiot, I mean does he honestly believe a hot little piece of arse like me wouldn't have anyone to talk to? Perlease!!
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun
From: ****
Subject: would you prefer if i wrote you a poem
O shy girl, o shy girl what is thy name, my name is **** my quest is in vein,
o shy girl, o shy girl tell me your name, so that i may stop being this lame,
o shy girl, o shy girl tell me your name whisper it softly so i know who to blame.
Oh no please tell me he didn’t just send me a poem! If you don’t already know my thoughts on poems then you should check out
this post.
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun
From: ****
Subject: I have obviously got your attention
so what is it? are you affraid to talk back? or is it because you are affraid you might enjoy it?
Yes you have my attention. Yes I am afraid (notice the spelling moronface). I can safely say I would not enjoy it. EVER.
Sent: Mon, 6 Jun
From: ****
Subject: I was wrong
I thought you were on flirt, to at least talk and make new friends.
English is probably not his first language…yeah that would explain all the mistakes, okay I shall forgive him and hope he's goes away now, English is my first language and I still struggle most of the bloody time, yep no need to be mean.
Sent: Wed, 8 Jun
From: ****
Subject: would you like to chat
nothing more just chat.
I think someones not getting the hint? I do not want to chat, that is why I do not reply.
Sent: Wed, 8 Jun
From: ****
Subject: you do relise...
That eventualy you will crack, and i will get at least 2 words out of you, and yes i do relise they could start with f & o.
I mean
seriously, does this dude not have spellcheck? I do appreciate his humour here though...and
oh god the temptation of replying "fuck off"...it is the same kind of "just do it feeling" I get after 3 bottles of wine when a naked man jumps into my bed (and we all know what happens then...), but NO! He is basically a toddler throwing his toys around for attention. I will not give in.
Sent: Thu, 9 Jun
From: ****
Subject: this is the last one and i have a question
Why do you feel so uncomfortable about e-mailing me? What happend to make you so timid?
Umm why do I feel uncomfortable with replying?…umm take a wild fucking guess mate. Not only can you not spell, you have shit grammar and you wrote a poem!!! You are an actual stalker.
I never did reply and
thank god he gave up! Although I do worry that one day I will find him camping outside my window, in the bushes with the suicidal birds that now inhabit the area…
In respect for the guy he grabbed my attention and that should be a good thing but out of all the attention seeking styles…this is
definitely NOT the way to do it. I mean can anyone say desperate?!
So what did we learn today? DON'T BE A STALKER! If a woman isn't replying it's because she is not interested in you,
clearly she has terrible taste because you are a catch! But forgive her ignorance, move on and leave her alone.
