So I have finally returned!...where's my party?

I know it’s been a while…but I did warn you...

Sorries for leaving

So what is going on in my life? Well I finished my masters LIKE A BOSS and I’m now applying for jobs all over the shizzle, I’ve got my first ever interview on Tuesday! Wish me luck!

And my love life you ask? What is going on with that?…a pure pathetic horrific disaster.

You were all bloody right about DK. Yes I said it. Yes it's killing me to admit it. Yes I was a massive stupid idiotic cow hypnotised by his penis...damn penis.

It also appears I am now a real life emotional wreck of a female, particularly when shots are involved…wonderful.

Therefore I am taking some new steps in my life; firstly I am now a revirgin (it’s a thing, shutup). I’m extremely proud of this right now and apparently even more proud after consuming a bottle of rum, oh yes the Captain Jack Sparrow in me felt the need to stand up on a bench and scream out “I AM A REVIRGIN!!!!” to the entire bar. Nice.

Secondly somewhat consequently after a disastrous week of me + drinking, I am banning myself from all alcohol. Except wine, but who’s crazy enough to give up something as essential and beautiful as that?

Is it wrong this get's me excited downstairs? Hell no, that is some beautiful shit

Thirdly I am no longer falling for douchebags. It’s definitely a recurring habit of mine, I always like the guy who treats me like crap and makes me hate myself. I’ve managed to do it twice this year, that’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. A few years ago being a stupid slut with the King Douche was fine and dandy, but I’ve turned sensitive and apparently can’t handle it. Stupid female brain. Grrrrr.

So yes that is my life right now. I’m slowly getting over DK and the fact he treated me worse than a piece of shit on his shoe as soon as summer ended, slowly being the optimum word...if facebook was considered real life I would have a restraining order by now or possibly be imprisoned for stalking...come on...like you don't do it?! I’m going to find myself an amazing job (well, a job…with some money and hopefully not too much poo) and finally I am going to hunt down and capture Mr Right, it’s a shame Sonny Bill Williams lives so far away…

Oh look! It's my future husband