Sunday, 10 July 2011

The Online "Personal Ad"

It's important to have standards...
Today we are going to be looking at yet another common personal message. The “personal ad”.

I’m going to admit that these are not the worst messages to receive, they give some insight into the person sending them which is good, but they probably piss me off more than the ‘wow you are hot!” least those are entertaining and about me! Yes I am a self obsessed attention seeker, why the hell would I care what your interests are, it's all about me thanks...

'Personal Ads' are typical bulk messages. Most of them a guy could send out to hundreds of women, now I have no quarrels with playing the numbers game, the more women you message the better but I can’t stand it when it’s so bloody obvious I am just one of the zillion.

Contradictory? Yes maybe. You want to message a lot of ladies but you need to make sure each one feels special. A massive mistake is talking to the majority; never ever send a message which addresses women as a collective, you always want to talk to the individual!
Brilliant and importantly directed at the individual...
From: ****
Subject: I hope you have a great day!
Well...I'm a smart, easy-going person open for new relationships, flirts and online dates! I like going out, jogging and seeking out like-minded online friends ...write me back soon if you like me.
From: ****
Subject: My dream? To meet a new partner for a serious relationship!
Well...I'm a smart, easy-going person open for new relationships, flirts and online dates! I like going out, jogging and seeking out like-minded online friends ...write me back soon if you like me.
Here we have two different guys but exactly the same message. This is either an auto message or a suggested template. If any of you lot use these expect me to find out! I will then hunt you down and shove a crocodile up your arsehole because it is fucking disrespectful to female intelligence. Do men really think women aren’t aware of these? Yes sure the newbies and the blondes may not notice but any woman worth knowing will definitely pick up on them, for one there aren’t any grammar mistakes, that’s a big telltale on dating sites because as we all know men on the internet are illiterate chavvy morons.
From: ****
Subject: Howdi
i have looked and liked your profile and would love to know more about you and hopefully for you to get to know more about me too .... 
Myself im ****, 25, from **** and i enjoy a wide range of things and can have my crazy moments like everyone, im easy to get on with and love to do many things and see new places etc, i do have a hobby in music as a dj /producer and would love to make that a career in the future. 
if you wish to speak more away from here i can speak on facebook, msn, skype, or mobile
Looking forward to hear back from you soon
**** ;-)
This message isn’t awful but there isn’t anything personal, he says he’s looked at my profile yet doesn’t say anything remotely relevant about it. Maybe I’m being a bit of a judgemental negative bitch but to me this could have been sent to anyone and I’m worth more...(no wonder I'm having no luck really, I must try harder to be sugary sweet, I think I'm going to need a "give men a chance week" should be interesting...)
Subject: hi i have attached a pic x
From: ****
Sent Date: 6/12/2011 10:36:19 PM 
Hi, i had a quick peek at your profile and you seem rather nice. How have you been getting on with this site? about me...... I am 28 yr old, i am a professional guy working in the city, i have my own house in a small country village in ****, just on the outskirts of London I am a bit of a joker by heart and love to laugh, but i can also be serious when i need to be! With the right person i am very affectionate and love to give cuddles. I go to the gym when i can and play rugby and cricket. I love cinema , theatre and nice restaurents, but will also be happy with the early bird at the harvester lol I have a good job in the city that keeps me busy, but i also know how to relax and let my hair down to. I love theme parks and anything involving an adrenaline rush. 
I have been single for over a year now and thought i would give this a go and see whats out there. It would be lovely to hear back from you. Take care
TMI. Quite simply chucking this much information at someone is a little overwhelming, I prefer to find out things by talking to people, tone it down and never reveal so much in a first message. Also please don’t ask how I’ve been getting on with the site, I get this all bloody the time and it’s annoying as hell. And now for the embarrassing bit...I did reply to this guy as he was pretty damn hot…I know I know I’m pathetic, should have trusted my instincts to be honest, I think my interest in him lasted all of five minutes, I can’t remember why exactly, but he probably had no banter.
Some people are fucking weird.
I think my opinion on these types of messages could be personal taste, I’m not sure…I do struggle to imagine what other women would think so I just prefer not to and assume my thoughts are normal…yeah right.


Rosie said...

You and I are sooo in agreement about ALL of this. My response to someone asking for MORE? about me is to reply; "I thought my profile rather covered everything. What did I leave out?"

Right - other than the fact that you are hoping for immediate NSA sex, sex, SEX NOW. And I'm not.

Drake Sigar said...

Nobody wants a chain letter. Right off the bat these auto messages paint the sender as a Nigerian marketer who’s just trying to get personal details.

Anonymous said...

Perfect spelling and good grammar are clearly where I go wrong...

I think personal taste has a lot to do with it. Okay there are messages which will never get a response from anyone.

If I sit and think about what to put and it's customised to the individual and I don't get a reply, I assume that they weren't right for me.

SamArmy said...

That first ad was really such a waste of money for the guy who took it out, i mean seriously what a stupid thing to post

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

Such good points, especially the one about TMI thing. Seriously, how do some of these guys expect to get
anywhere . . .

Mrs. Pickle said...

That "Shit on my face" one made me gag. What the fuck is wrong with people?

PorkStar said...

I honestly don't know what to say. I am afraid of my own gender for being the retarded lot that we are but those are Brits, so ok i could understand that... bahaha no sorry, bad joke.

They are the same everywhere. I hate the motherfuckers!

Solitary Diner said...

Ooooh....reading your posts is bringing back bad memories of my brief foray into internet dating. I think I may just stay single forever rather than having to endure this crap again.

Miss Sassy Pants said...

I hate unpersonalized emails. I get about 5 a day from a bank teller in Burkina Faso telling me a millionaire died and he needs my social security and my first born child in order to send me the money.

One time I sent a ridiculous response back to them and they never replied.

Shane Pilgrim said...

You don't send the same cover letter to every potential employer, and you don't send the same message to every woman you try to date online. I'm amazed that more of them don't realize this.

Men. What are you gonna do with us?

Asian Girl said...

I think writing an interesting email is such a skill. I like the examples you gave. Some are too generic. Then some are just too long. Then there are the just plain weird. I appreciate a guy who put a little thought into the message and some wit or humor. But that's hard to find.

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