Tuesday, 27 September 2011

So I have finally returned!...where's my party?

I know it’s been a while…but I did warn you...
Sorries for leaving
So what is going on in my life? Well I finished my masters LIKE A BOSS and I’m now applying for jobs all over the shizzle, I’ve got my first ever interview on Tuesday! Wish me luck!

And my love life you ask? What is going on with that?…a pure pathetic horrific disaster.

You were all bloody right about DK. Yes I said it. Yes it's killing me to admit it. Yes I was a massive stupid idiotic cow hypnotised by his penis...damn penis.

It also appears I am now a real life emotional wreck of a female, particularly when shots are involved…wonderful.

Therefore I am taking some new steps in my life; firstly I am now a revirgin (it’s a thing, shutup). I’m extremely proud of this right now and apparently even more proud after consuming a bottle of rum, oh yes the Captain Jack Sparrow in me felt the need to stand up on a bench and scream out “I AM A REVIRGIN!!!!” to the entire bar. Nice.

Secondly somewhat consequently after a disastrous week of me + drinking, I am banning myself from all alcohol. Except wine, but who’s crazy enough to give up something as essential and beautiful as that?
Is it wrong this get's me excited downstairs? Hell no, that is some beautiful shit
Thirdly I am no longer falling for douchebags. It’s definitely a recurring habit of mine, I always like the guy who treats me like crap and makes me hate myself. I’ve managed to do it twice this year, that’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. A few years ago being a stupid slut with the King Douche was fine and dandy, but I’ve turned sensitive and apparently can’t handle it. Stupid female brain. Grrrrr.

So yes that is my life right now. I’m slowly getting over DK and the fact he treated me worse than a piece of shit on his shoe as soon as summer ended, slowly being the optimum word...if facebook was considered real life I would have a restraining order by now or possibly be imprisoned for stalking...come on...like you don't do it?! I’m going to find myself an amazing job (well, a job…with some money and hopefully not too much poo) and finally I am going to hunt down and capture Mr Right, it’s a shame Sonny Bill Williams lives so far away…
Oh look! It's my future husband

19 comments:

Maxwell said...

Welcome home!

But why must you call yourself a "revirgin" and not simply state that you're taking a break from sex and relationships? Things like "revirgin" makes me want to poop in your hair.

Haven said...

Yay you're back.

I know someone that's a born again virgin. Technically. Though let me tell you, she's found all the loopholes too. To each their own I suppose.

I recently gave up alcohol too. Even wine! Though my willpower has failed me and caused me to cheat for some of that lovely liquid.

Carrymel said...

omg you're back! fina-freaking-ly! I was getting concerned.

Congratulations on your Masters, boss. That's something to be super proud of! I'm glad you're removing douche cock from your diet - studies show it leads to self-loathing, uncontrollable rage and misdemeanors. And the best of luck on your interview! Knock em dead ;)

-http://carrymel.blogspot.com

Ryan Beaumont said...

Good to have you back. Cute kitty picture, you're not going to turn into Puss n Boot and poke us with your sword now are you?

Stephanie D said...

So glad you're back! Good luck with finding the perfect job and a man who treats you right. You deserve it!

Riff Dog said...

I wish I could congratulate you properly on finishing your Masters Degree. (A good fuck is the standard form of congratulations, isn't it?)

Good to see you back.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Welcome back! I wish it could be on better terms.

You need a shirt that says "Revirgin." Wear it to the bars. Wait for the laughs. Or the challengers... either/or.

Little Miss Me said...

Maxwell – Sorry but I like to name things, “taking a break” is something annoying people do and I’m obviously not annoying… I’m keeping with the revirgin thing, it’s more fun than taking a break but if you poop in my hair the word “revirgin” will be the least of your worries <3

Haven – Hehe I won’t need any loopholes, as soon as I find the right guy the revirgin thing will most likely be a distant memory, I’m just trying to keep the kitten in her box for once!

Wine is impossible to give up! I don’t blame you cheating ;)

Carrymel – Aww worried about me? Thanks very much, I am pretty proud and oh god I know about the douche cock, I think they should use me as a case study for medical books, I had all the symptoms!

Ryan Beaumont – Hehe I think you’re safe ;)

Stephanie – Thanks! I think I’m going to need some luck, the only man I’ve met recently was a OAP who wanted to pet my dog, luckily not an innuendo…I don’t think

Riff – I believe that is the general accepted form of congratulations, only appropriate way really

Lost.in.Idaho – Thanks! Don’t tempt me with making that shirt; it’s something I would do! One of my guy friends said he would make it his missions to destroy my revirgin status, so far he’s failed

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

You're back--I'm so excited! I want to be a revirgin too. I love that lol

Lorraine said...

Welcome to the revirgin club! We eat a lot of chocolate here.

Lor

FAILMALES said...

LOVE your blog, glad you're back!! glad to hear you're done with the douchebag! feel free to vent and write about him on my blog called Failmales lol

happy blogging!

-Lana

jo said...

that picture of sonny bill williams made my day. that is one fine man. the all blacks opening match were he had his shirt ripped and he had to take it off to change it was epic... and hot.

oh and congrats on the masters and all those new steps in life.

Myli said...

Welcome back! And congrats on getting your masters! Not falling for douchebags is definitely a good thing. Can't wait to read your new posts!

Kiss said...

Welcome back!

I'm so proud of you :)
For finishing your master's (you go, girl!) and for finishing it off with DK douchebags!

xoxo

Jen said...

I nearly had a minor stroke when I thought you might be giving up all alcohol... including wine. Promise never to do that please, it makes me feel guilty and dirty for consuming a whole bottle before 6pm last night. Congrats on the masters and good luck with the revirginism... those penises are hypnotising though... x

Wilko said...

I don't want to get you jealous but my 14 year old daughter bumped into Sonny Bill here in Hamilton and got a pic with him!

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