Whoreface Friday: Another one of those DK stories...

Saturday night was a big one, Scottish had invited me and my friend (who happens to be a girl, yeah I have female friends too) out with the guys, DK said he “might come” but I wasn’t going to force him…although I probably asked him a few too many times…what?...

The guys started drinking at around 11am because they are mental, DK was working until late and the ladyfriend had to feed the pigs, I didn’t really fancy spending an entire day drinking so made some excuse why I couldn’t go around until later.

The guys phoned me up at 6ish to get more beer and cigarettes, being a good little girl I provided for them, I’m going to be a great wife. Me and the lady got whored up and off we went. I got a phone call from DK to say he was coming out but wouldn’t be there until 10.30, he asked where we were and where I was staying, I told him I was staying at my place, he then asked where he was staying “wherever you want” so he decided he was staying at mine…(ooh I wonder where this story will end up? It’s like a mystery…) the house was about 2 minutes drive away from my place so DK said he would park at mine and I had to drive over and meet him, he was aware of the fact I was already completely fucked on rum…but 2 minutes in the countryside drink driving isn’t the worst thing.

At 10pm the minibus arrived outside the house even though Scottish (DK's best friend apparently) knew he wouldn’t be there, I said I would go back to mine and meet DK, this is the point one of the guys decided to pick me up and throw me into the bus, oh fuck. DK phoned to say he was about 10 minutes away, oh fuck! Somehow I ended up taking another taxi back home to meet him. I’m such a fucking mug.

Met up with DK and we managed to find Scottish in town, but the ladyfriend and the boys were missing, we decided to solve the problem with jagerbombs and shots. We got so drunk we didn’t even care that we couldn’t find them and instead another female friend of mine and her boyfriend magically appeared.

More drinking, Scottish was turned away from a club, more drinking, lost the female and her boyfriend, more drinking, got with a blackman, more drinking, DK dragged me away from the blackman, more drinking, guys kept hitting on me and then apologising to DK as they “didn’t realize I had a boyfriend” “he’s not my boyfriend” DK didn’t really say much…

We finally left the club and went back to the guys house, I may have broken…okay smashed a table into teeny pieces when I fell over…oops, I’m more dangerous than a fucking blind elephant sometimes. One of the guys appeared and fell into bed, we then realized my car was blocking in everyone and I had left the keys at my place, shit, so I needed to walk back get the keys then move my car, yes I was still fucking drunk…

I set off home with DK, promising to be back soon, as we navigated through the back of my campus through the trees and bushes an idea may have occurred…I’m not sure who initiated it (probably me to be honest...such a whore) but yeah I totally shagged DK outside on the grass with only a few trees between us and the road, it was fucking awesome! I mean sooo good! But yeah I had sex with DK again, damn my hungry vagina!

We got back to mine eventually, I grabbed my car keys changed out of my heels into cowboy boots (don't ask why I took this decision) and set off, DK offered to come with me but it was already like 5am and he had to work so I told him to go to bed. I obviously looked like a prostitute roaming the countryside in my boots and ass grazing miniskirt...so awful. When I got back to the guys house all the guys were there and gave me a cheer, I almost wonder if they thought a stripper had turned up…I drove home and realised that I didn’t have keys to get into my room. Oh fucking fuck and DK sleeps like a deadman, I had to climb in through my window, I forgot about this until I noticed the massive scratches on my legs…ooh classy!

I woke up this morning to find an arm around me, not going to lie that made me smile! I’m such a girl, DK ignored about a hundred beeps of the most annoying fucking alarm in the world, I hate iphones and they need to die, that noise is horrid. Eventually he got up said bye and drove off home leaving me to enjoy the disaster of a hangover alone, sat on the bathroom floor clutching a bottle of water hoping it will just end is so beautiful, also I learnt a lesson” don’t drink water while lying down, it will explode onto your face and try to drown you, it’s scary!