Monday, 8 August 2011

Giving men a chance...

I’ve read everywhere that it’s important to have an open mind while online dating…my problem is that my mind is better fortified than a fucking castle…just for you beauties however I’ve recently been attempting to give all men a chance and not be such a judgemental fussy bitch…
If animals can make unlikely couples work then damnit I should be able to...
Men aren’t helping the cause however:
From: ****
Subject: Hi
hello x
Yep this guys is part of the 'hi crowd' what an idiot, I thought I would attempt some charity work and send him a reply out of the goodness of my heart in hope of finding the love of my life…okay he was hot.
From: Little Miss Me
Subject: RE:Hi
Hey :)
How are you? Xx
I know, I’m a creative whore. I’m a woman, it’s not my job to try.
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
you not our tonight hun x
Eurgh I hate being called hun or babe, go fuck yourself darlin. But alas I continued to reply...
From: Little Miss Me
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi
No I had a quiet one, sat in the field behind our halls drinking wine with my friend, was lovely to be honest :) what about you? xx
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
lovely white or red? i just went to the pub and had a few, nothing tto exciting. what u up to now xxx
Hmm a decntish reply, clearly doesn’t believe in capatilasation but that can be overlooked…this is looking more positive!
From: Little Miss Me
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Rose of course! I'm just getting ready to go to bed now, exciting times! xxx
Probably shouldn't have mentioned always makes men think about sex. Stupid woman.
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
god good would u like it if i was there ;) lol xxx
Told you not to mention bed! Damn woman. Oh fuck did I get hopeful too soon? It could be a joke but the likelihood of that is fucking small…No thank you wankerface.
From: Little Miss Me
Subject: RE:Hi
Would be less boring I guess! But anyway I'm tired so night nights xx
Probably shouldn’t have put any encouragement at all…I thought this would be a good way to cut the conversation.
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
true it would be rather intresting ;) good night xxx
Maybe I was a judgemental bitch, must have been a joke. This guy is decent.
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
i reckon u could deepthroat very well ;) xx
What the actual fuck? Seriously? Where the hell did that come from? The fact it’s true is not the point (oh yeah I went there...)
From: ****
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
where would u let me cum ;) x
Honestly? I haven’t replied, I’ve not given any kind of hint that I am going to fuck you…do you really think this is going to end well? In order to cum you would have to get your penis near me first and I can tell you if that little maggot goes anywhere near my body it’s going to be chopped off and disposed of appropriately and painfully.

I am so close to giving up online dating but unfortunately I require it at the moment. Things with DK are not looking good even friendwise right now…fuck sake! Probably shouldn't have got with that Australian in front of him the other night...but it was his fault for saying I wasn't allowed to "cramp his style" in front of the common slags, my god he is a douchebag...why did I fuck him again? No wonder I'm single.


Not the Hero said...

Were you drunk when you wrote this?

Hun, I think you're a babe. Oh snap two pet peeves in one sentence.

I don't understand men and I am one. 90 percent of the men I know are complete and utterly clueless when it comes to women. That guy however, was thinking with his penis.

FYI he was probably wanking while you were messaging back and forth.

Maxwell said...

Um, just going to throw this out there, what the hell did you do to your blog recently? I can't get it to come throw my blog roll or my RSS feed. I've even unfollowed and refollowed.

*grumbles at the internet gods*

And I fucking hate getting those "hi" messages from women. Be fucking interesting.

Little Miss Me said...

Not the hero - I may have been recovering from a alcohol fuelled weekend...

Eurgh don't make it worse, men should really move their brains out their balls

Maxwell - Umm I don't actually know? I will look into the bugger and spank the problem like it's my bitch!

Riff Dog said...

I'll bet NtH is right about this guy jerking off after you mentioned "bed." You can see how the whole sequence escalates in his mind.

Shane Pilgrim said...

I went through an emotional roller coaster while reading this. "What a loser...okay, maybe he's not so bad...well, that's a little creepy...then again at least he had an opportunity and didn't use it--what the fuck?" And then you were nice enough to humor him even after he crossed that line. I silently willed him to cash in his chips, cut his losses, and go home.

And then the numbnut bets everything on red. Thankfully, because you're a rational person, the roulette ball landed on black. What a story lol.

And actually, I second Maxwell's problem. A few weeks ago I noticed that your blog disappeared from my list. Then it reappeared but no posts appeared on my feed so I figured you were busy. Just for the heck of it I clicked on your blog and realized that you have been posting all this time. I think something may be wrong with your site, LMM.


Little Miss Me said...

Riff - Men are so ridiculously disgusting (except you of course)

Shane - I've tried to fix it today, I think I know the problem but my computer abilities aren't all that unfortunately...

Carrymel said...

Why on earth would a grow man think it's okay to ask someone online where they would let him cum?! I wish there was a way to amplify an ignore because I'd ignore the SH.T out of him. Grossssss >.<

Maxwell said...

Your spanking was successful, I think, since this post came across my feed. *fingers crossed*

Little Miss Me said...

Carrymel - Hehe oh god they need an ignore the shit out of him button!

Maxwell - Wow really? I am an actual genius! Woop go me! Writing job applications makes me feel far too good about myself!

Rosie said...

You've learned the lesson. You ABSOLUTELY cannot mention bed to a man. Their little head completely takes over from that moment on, leaving NO thoughts in their big head. And I too hate being called endearing terms by total and unmet stranges. No sweetie, honey, and especially NO Babe for me, please.

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

Oh my. You have disillusioned me.

I always thought guys would be more intelligent when they grew up.

Apparently, that's not how the universe works.

Little Miss Me said...

Rosie - I know I learnt my lesson the hard way...I will never mention the word bed again! I hate all the babes and sweeties...well unless certain guys do them, then I can overlook it and even turn into a giggly idiot. I hate being me sometimes, so contradictory...

LDML - I'm sorry but I think if anything most of them get worse...

Stephanie D said...

I can so relate, sister! said...

I'm going to use that last one in the bar...

"Hi, you're cute. And your mouth looks like you could suck a mean dick... what's your sign?"