Monday, 13 June 2011

What's In A Name?

When you create an online dating account you are immediately presented with the ‘username’ box…in a rush to reach all the online pussy you smash in the first thing that comes to mind and you feel pretty proud of yourself, I mean what woman wouldn’t want a guy named "3legs"? Yep, you are a stud and now they will ALL know it…no.

Men please, for me, take a little time to think about the label you give yourself.

Your username is important.

Apart from your profile picture it is the first thing your potential ladyfriend will see and inevitably judge you on. Don’t neglect it!

I would like to think that common sense could be used here, but from some of the names I’ve seen recently it’s quite clear that the majority of men on the internet could get lost in an empty field with all the sense they possess…

So here are Little Miss Me’s tips on picking a username that doesn’t make me want to do the world a favour and hit you with a shovel.

Do not use the word “hot” (I was just messaged by a "hotstuff" telling me “I’m fit as fuck”…ooh I think I just met my new Prince Charming! Kate and Wills are going to be put to shame!) Yes I’m aware you think you are very hot and every woman wants you...but if it’s true then you don't need to plonk that awful word in your username. Women have eyes, you have pictures…see where I’m going with this?

Guys…oh you bunch of penii…please avoid the temptation of 69…just bleurgh…you are not being original…or clever…or even funny…do I really have to explain? Because I’m not going to.

Also names like "mrcoolassdude" and "MrLoving"…I mean sure it seems like a decent idea…you may be a cool ass dude, you may be more loving than a carebear but it’s all a bit blah (I know my use of descriptive language today is outstanding).

Of course if you are looking for a lady to explode your load in and nothing more (I use lady in the loosest sense…no judgment here…everyone needs their back doors smashed in sometimes...) I’m sure a name like "super_serpent" or "MrLongAndHard" might work wonders on women who keep their brain in their G spot. But honestly even a little kitten only looking to play might not be impressed with such a sexually focused name…or at least one that you actually want…remember a woman that is easy for you is easy for everyone…

In my humble opinion (what? I can be humble!..) the best names to go for are the simplest.

Your name should be something I can remember (for the right reasons, laughing at a skinny scruff of a man called "KingKong" is not the right reason fyi, although he has stuck in my mind, so who really knows?…).

The guy I can think of right now is simply Simon, his username is Simon192838 (some random formation of numbers) but that’s not the point, the point is that I remember him and that is important!

Another little tip is that when you are on a site that doesn't allow spaces in your username and you are using multiple words please please please make sure it is easy to read, for example:

  • littlemissme 
  • LittleMissMe 
  • little_miss_me
The first one is pretty illegible and a woman doesn’t have the time or energy to work out what the hell your name is, so make it clear! It’s not difficult, capitals and underscores are all you need.

So yes, you want a name that is memorable, not explicitly sexual and definitely not assholeish.

If I were a guy I would probably base it on a celebrity, film/tv character, song or perhaps a famous quote, something that reflects your appearance or personality, if the name is already well known and associated with something positive then the chances are it will be more memorable to women. It could also be a talking point and that is ALWAYS good! Funny is nice too but be careful what humour you go for...

In conclusion if you keep it simple then you can’t go too far wrong. Easy peasy.

DISCLAIMER: as always these are my opinions...don't go hatin if I aint right bro!

Check back on Wednesday when I will be giving you the good, the bad and the ugly facts about profile pictures!


Elisabeth Hirsch said...

Awesome post. I LOVE it :)

Little Miss Me said...

Thanks Elisabeth, I'm just trying to help the men of the world, one step at a time...

Not who I will be said...


I like to assume when a guy says "hot" in his username, he's referring to the temperature and thus can be assumed to have a sweating problem (and I hate sweat).

Anonymous said...

LOL, I loved the 'scribe. It makes a lot of sense because when I sign up for regular websites I tend to take forever choosing a decent username and then once I create it, I think of something a lot better. I hate seeing guys with false advertising usernames. I steer away from dating sites anyway.

Riff Dog said...

The "69" thing baffles me. I can't think of a single time in my entire life that the placement of 69 in a name or anything has ever made me laugh. Ever.

Little Miss Me said...

Not who I will be - Haha that's not a bad way to think about it, would definitely help put me off the "hot" guys even more! Sweat is disgusting, does anybody actually like it?

pbm2011 - I always have the same problem with usernames! You always think of something better once you've chosen them, false advertising is definitely one of the biggest problems on the internet!

Riff - I'm the most easily amused person in the world and even I don't find it funny...I admit I did laugh when I went to some old relatives birthday party and there was a big 69 on her cake...someone then shouted out to give it "a good blow" when she blew out the candles...I'm such a child but I couldn't help but laugh at that one!

Anonymous said...

You're hilarious! I don't date online (actually, I'm probably too young to even try), but I ever make an attempt at it, I'll come here for advise!