Wednesday, 22 June 2011

The Most Common Mistake

Subject: Hi!
Really very beatiful and cute..I am ****.And you?Where are you from sweet girl?

Subject: .
Wouldn't mind some of that! ;o)

Subject: hey
lovely pics how are you? fancy a chat **** from **** :)))

Subject: hi
nice pics why this

Subject: x
hey ya i like ya pics ;)xx

Subject: Hey! Wow! U look so perfect -I don't know what to say :)
Fancy having a good flirting session with me?

Subject: hey sexy
Wow u are stunning, fancy a chat?

These are the most common types of messages I get.

Ignore the awful spelling, the use of textinglish and the annoying amount of “hi” “hello” “hey” in the message subject title! Actually I can't ignore that...NEVER and I mean NEVER put "hi...!" it is sooo lazy and makes me want to stab you in the testicles! It doesn’t take much effort to add something a little different does it? Also some sites have "suggested messages" or "fast flirts" DO NOT TOUCH THEM! Most women will be able to recognise these pieces of crap after a day or two of joining and they are simply pathetic! Do you not have enough brain cells to rub together and write your own message?!

Anyway back to my initial point...

Obviously the men of the internet have never seen a woman before and so it's reasonable not to expect the highest quality of message to be created as they jizz in their pants but seriously?

So you think I look good in my photos? Well so do I…that is why I posted them after all! (I read somewhere that you will never look as bad as your drivers license and never as good as your facebook profile picture...I think this applies to online dating profile photos too, everyone is going to choose their best pics...yes ladies those awful pictures are what the male behind them considers to be his most attractive shots...I faster).

A compliment is nice but it’s pretty clear that there isn’t much more to these guys than “wow you are hot, want to have some fun...aka they call me Fred Flinstone coz I can make your bed rock...aka I’m a caveman with the intelligence and social skills of a dead dinosaur…at least those are my thoughts.

Now it’s not as if the guys above aren’t attractive, some of them are extremely fit and I would definitely stalk them in a club if my drunken horn was out to play! But I have had two years of sex with guys that are best friends with their mirrors and their idea of a thrilling conversation is "don't my abs look great today?" "I'm feeling so hench, I just got a new PB at the gym!" and when they aren't talking about themselves they are focusing their deep as a puddle personality on me..."You're looking so fit today, wanna fuck?" deep and meaningful right?…I mean I don’t mind a compliment…well that’s a lie…my insecurities aren’t helpful in flirting and relationships…anybody know if there’s a book out there “how to accept a compliment for dummies”? I could really do with reading it!

Basically all I'm saying guys is please don't focus purely on a woman's pictures, try to start an interesting conversation instead! Of course it's good to chuck in a compliment or two but don't make it the bloody focus!!!


Mrs. Pickle said...

I hated pick up lines like that! I got most of mine in person though. It was such a turn off. Why not just say “hey you’re hot and I think about you while masturbating because I am a loser and have never actually had my penis in a real vagina hole”?

Maxwell said...

Agreed. And let me say that the reverse is also true. During my brief stint with online dating (which I subsequently abandoned out of fear for the human race in this god forsaken place I live), I got the (slightly less creepy) girl version of those emails:

"Hey. What's up?"
"Hi. Wanna chat?"
"I liked your profile"

And the sad part is, I actually cleaned up the grammar and spelling of those messages above...

Not who I will be said...

Wit is a big seller with me, so if your first message isn't remotely witty or interesting, then I am not into it. I'm boring enough by myself, I don't need to spend time with someone else who's boring and unoriginal!

Riff Dog said...

Great post. I may use that Fred Flinstone line, by the way, just because it's so cheesy, it could be fun.

Not only does a dopey "OMG UR hawwwwwt!" message bore you and show no wit, it has an even worse consequence:

Subconsciously when a girl like you reads that, it's the equivalent of you being head cheerleader and some dweeb saying, "Omygod she's hot!" The guy has basically defined, with a single sentence, what the social strata is for each of you. The head cheerleader doesn't date the dweeb. She's dates the quarterback. The quarterback doesn't say, "Omygod you're so hot!" He might say "You look nice" or some other understated compliment, but he won't gush.

I think a general rule of thumb for any messages a guy sends should be - Is this something the dweeb would say to the cheerleader? Or is this what the quarterback would say?

Stacie's Madness said...

great post, this made me giggle.

kiss said...

OMG, I just found your blog and I'm LOVING IT! I'm DYING over here. You literally are a fragmented version of myself when it comes to my thoughts and views when it comes to online dating. I need to backtrack... MORE COMMENTS TO COME! And I am now following yooou.

kiss said...

Oh, and I totally agree with Riff Dog's comment! Right on!

Little Miss Me said...

Mrs Pickle - Hehehe you have such a way with words, men really are disastrous sometimes, I once had a guy come up to me in a club and say something like "you are definitely the hottest girl in this place" then just stare at wtf?! As I went to walk away, he stopped me "wait, are you going to say something?"..."you are definitely not the hottest guy in this place?" he didn't find me funny...retard

Maxwell - No please say it isn't so! Oh dear there are ladies out there letting down the stuck up bitch team? Women do not send out messages on the internet damnit! I shall have to sort this...thank you for cleaning up the grammar, I've never felt more like an English teacher than since I've started using the dating sites...eurgh

Not who I will be- You are anything but boring! Hehe I'm the same, the first message has to be interesting or it's not going to get a reply!...unless they are so bloody hot I can't control my vagina and she replies for me...what? I never said I was men hehehe

Riff - You are a genius. I never thought about it like that but oh my god you are spot on! It's obvious really when you think about it! Also yay I'm the hot cheerleader! Happy now

Stacie - Thanks :)

kiss - Thank you so much! If I'm a version of you then I'm definitely going to need to check out your blog later, because well, I'm awesome so I can only assume you're the same!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

I LOVE this line: "you will never look as bad as your drivers license and never as good as your facebook profile picture"

Soooo true!

Little Miss Me said...

Elisabeth - I know! When I saw it I had to use it! I look like a scary terrorist in my drivers's not good! Some places even question if it's mine...guess that's a good thing actually

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

An additional problem with the: "Oh my god, you're hot!" do you even respond to that?

Um, thanks? (There's a real conversation starter for ya.)

What, in this old thing? (So your lady of choice knows the common tropes.)

Yeah, I know! (Boy, there's a real modest gal.)

Telling me I'm hot does nothing to further a conversation and makes more work for me. I'm too pretty to do work. (I'm joking! I kid!)

Little Miss Me said...

Ms. Inconspicuous - I know exactly what you mean which is why I never reply, even when the guys is crazy hot and has an alright profile, it's just impossible although I do like the "too pretty to work"...I've actually said something similar to someone before, unfortunately they laughed "no your not" ...cheers mum

braumaman said...

Love the honesty.

Little Miss Me said...

Thanks braumaman! Someone needs to tell it like it is ;)