Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Dating Profile of Little Miss Me
I think it’s best if we start by looking at the hottest piece of ass on the internet (yes I am talking about me!…the compliments from numerous online perverts are clearly going to my head).
So this is a brief description of my “completely outstandingly perfectly amazing” profile, before I start slagging everyone else off…I’m lovely really, honest! And definitely never ever sarcastic…
I’m not the most stunningly attractive girl in the world obviously, if I was I’d be married to some billionaire tycoon who showers me with shiny things, buys me ponies and builds me a floating magnetic bed, instead I’m hanging around on dirty dating websites…however even my horrid amount of insecurities allow me to say that I’m alright and YES YOU WOULD. HARD.
My username is simple, nothing suggestive. To me it is innocence and mystery combined...to most men it is probably just another issue when they try to work out if I'm a massive whore, am I going to be willing to send them pictures of my vagina or even better play rodeo with them in the real world?
I posted two profile photos, one is a webcam pic of me laughing/smiling (I read somewhere that webcam pics should never be used as they are grainy and usually ugly, all I can say is 'boo you whore' get a mac!) and the other is a slightly different angle of me dressed as a cat...drunk (again I remember reading that you should never post a pissed up pic but damn I like it, so whatever Trevor! I know I can’t follow advice...so am I the right person to be giving it? Quite simply yes I believe I am) I think I look pretty good in the pictures and if I was a creepy internet rapist I would DEFINITELY drag me into some bushes and chop me into pieces!
I also filled out the profile box, I purposely wrote NOTHING remotely sexual on there, because believe me when I say men need no encouragement! I kept it sweet, fun, humorous with a hint of innocence (...all ladies want to be innocent damsels in distress fyi…even if we are the dirtiest filthy whores in the litter box, we’re a tricky little bunch of flower gardens).
Within literally seconds of posting my photo I was being bombarded with chat pop ups, to the point that I wasn’t sure if it was a spamming advert site, but nope these were real people! There is nothing unusual in girls getting lots of messages from men on dating sites, it’s a known fact that it is nearly ALWAYS the men who have to put the effort in, so I sat back and waited for the messages to flow in (cocky bitch right?...this is the moment you want me to receive no messages, unfortunately men you can't resist my charms!).
I decided from the outset that I would only respond to inbox messages, the chat pop ups were annoying and in general creepy, boring and weird. So yes INBOX ONLY. I wouldn’t be surprised if other women also did this.
The longer I spend on the site the more ideas I have on what men I am going to quite simply ignore, women on dating websites are harsh boys and that is the truth! I may possibly be a little more dismissive than your average lady because of certain experiences and a real lack of naivety when it comes to longest running battle on earth: penis vs brain.
So yes that is a better introduction to me? Hopefully? Any questions? Don’t be afraid to ask! I don’t bite! Unless you want me to…
On Friday the real shit starts! The advice and insights I’m going to give you are one of a kind (with any luck)…and so that is all I can say about Little Miss Me at the moment, are you excited? I am!