Monday, 11 July 2011

Community Property

This picture is totally relevant further on in the post...
So I feel it is my responsibility to tell you all that I will be MIA in the blogosphere until Saturday…why you ask?!? Well I’m going to be having loads of sex this week until eventually my cumbucket falls off…not really…well actually I’m not sure, I have certain "opportunities" in the next few days but I’m really trying to battle my inner slutbag, unfortunately the whore normally wins when there’s vodka involved and I want to make vodka jelly. My vodka jelly has been described as more dangerous than rohypnol before...should be a good week YAY PENIS.

Anyway I won’t be posting until Saturday because I have a sexy ladyfriend coming to stay with me and we want to go adventuring for a few days. We’ve managed to convince my neighbour we are lesbians. I hate my neighbour. She’s the most evil bitch in the entire world; she recently told me that I should work like a proper masters student “well excuse me if I’m too fucking clever to work all the time! It’s not my fault I’m hot, awesome and intelligent!” Brave woman to think asking three drunken idiots in a room screaming along to Steel Panther to keep it quiet “we will be as loud as we want until 11, that’s the law, the halls law!!! Every minute you waste of our time goes into your time! PLEASE PLEASE TRY TO FINE ME AGAIN YOU LITTLE OLD MAN!!!” stupid cow should learn her place, nothing worse than an antisocial idiot who looks like an old man, acts like the queen and has a favourite hobby of getting me into the shit.

I was on a bitch of a mission to shout at all the bastards on my campus that night, including pervert man who has naked pictures of me because he is a creepy stalker pervert (it wasn’t my best idea to go streaking…I blame Captain Morgan for that one! Told you the picture at the beginning was relevant...), I faintly remember shouting at him that he was a disgusting pervert and deserved to be raped by a necrophiliac (big word when you’re drunk…) duck, it’s not as random as it sounds, I studied duck necrophilia at uni…see completely normal.
Back to the point of the post. I feel it is my duty to apoligise for choosing real life over my favourite bunch of sexpest readers, in your honour I’m open to suggestions on how I can make it up to you! If any are awesome enough I will totally try my best to do them, I love a dare.

16 comments:

Maxwell said...

I would like to hear a story where a potato, a bucket, and enormously high heels all play a key role. Your choice on how they are integrated.

Carrymel said...

The nerve of you to leave for so long! Like real life is a all that fun *rolls eyes*!


Oooh ooh! I want a story involving a complete stranger, you, and a sudden loss of dignity. That's pretty abstract. I think you can make it happen.

Arlequín said...

Show some commitment, surely you can type when being hit up from behind... call yourself a blogger?

Maxwell said...

I like Arlequin's dedication... live Tweet an event. Risque or not. Dealers's choice.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Is the vodka jelly for rubbing on the penis? I suppose it's more edible than KY...

Little Miss Me said...

Maxwell and Carrymel - I'm sure that wouldn't be too difficult...well the bucket and potato in a single story? Hmmm

Arlequín - Sorry I know I'm not dedicated enough...I will attempt to keep twitter up to date on any events like Maxwell suggested...I'm not promising anything though..."what are you doing?" "I'm just updating my twitter on the size of your penis..." actually that would be hilarious

Little Miss Me said...

Gorilla - No it's not but you've given me a brilliant idea, we've boob shotted it before so sucking it off a penis is the next logical step really

A Beer for the Shower said...

I want a full report of duck necrophilia.

Asian Girl said...

Have fun! You deserve it. I loved that you called it your "inner slutbag"! That had me laughing. The more fun you have in your real life, the more you have to share with us in your blog! I can't wait to hear about it!

Arlequín said...

You had me at 'boob shotted'...

Jas said...

Dang, guh! You wild!

Penny Lane said...

This vodka jelly has me intrigued. What is this potion you speak of?

ms.composure said...

i am LOVING your blog!!! please feel free to stop by mine anytime! :-)

Stephanie D said...

Thanks for popping in with your fun comments every now and then. Looking forward to reading your next post. I'm living through you right now! :)

PorkStar said...

Dude, fuck the blogging bs, go get some ass all damn week long. The blog is going to be here, the dick not always, so go shag that and empty its (their) sac and enjoy.

No looking back, then when you are done, dispose of the motherfucker.

Dudes are disposable.

Miss Sassy Pants said...

"I hate my neighbour. She’s the most evil bitch in the entire world" - bahahahahhahahaha