Wednesday, 27 July 2011

You Must Be This Tall To Ride Me

I’ve decided not to see Tom Cruise again, the results of the poll are pretty damn clear, but mainly it’s due to the shallow ass fact that I cannot cope with his height. Yes I’m aware it is a ridiculous reason in the eyes of height deficient men everywhere but I DON'T CARE.

I AM WOMAN AND HEIGHT MATTERS!

When I last mentioned that I wanted a man who is of a certain height our dear friend Maxwell had a little tantrum, he’s such a sensitive soul, bless him, it must be because he’s so short, emotions are more concentrated or something….

Now I’ve had a little think about why height is so important to me and well I’ve come up with a list of my top three reasons (I know you like lists Maxwell)...

1. I’ve always “dated” giants (I’m using dated to cover anything more than an ONS because I think it sounds better than “fucked on multiple occasions”). I just feel weird around short guys, to me being around a short man is like being around a dog that tries to shove it’s nose in inappropriate places...it's the same kind of awkwardness that you can’t really mention but everyone knows what is actually wrong.

2. I'm a crazy insecure bitch and like to feel teeny, tall guys make this happen, it's definitely not about the penis size, believe me being 6'4 does not mean you're hung like a bear...worst moment ever :( oh is that it?

3. I LOVE HIGH HEELS!!!! I mean I love them, I’m the kind of girl that will go into shoe shops and burst into tears at the sheer beauty of  a pair of heels and the fact I can’t afford them. I need a man to be taller than me even in my hooker heels.
SHOEGASM!!!!
So yep, I need a tall guy. I’m not saying I need a giant although that would be awesome! I have a weird crush for Hagrid…damn he’s a man and a half or rather five and half Maxwells.

Ideally I want a guy to be 6 foot and over but honestly I don't have a pissing clue how to tell height, I know if someone is the same height as me, I know if they are shorter than me but other than that I wouldn't have a pissing clue so I can pretty much class 5'10 and upwards as 6' it’s just how I roll.

Now what can you do if you are a short ass? Well don’t give up! Some people have a thing for fucking midgets, look at Katie Holmes!
This dude has to be hiding something in his pants...surely?
I was trying to think if I was a short man what I would do, I thought about adding an inch or two but I can hear the hatred from women shooting through me already. One thing with lying about your height is that you should expect the woman to be disappointed when she meets you…also don’t meet up with a woman who is taller than your real height, that would just be extra fucking awkward. I expect women probably don’t carry tape measures to dates to check heights but to the non-retards (aka not me) it’s pretty damn obvious.

Sorry to disappoint the shorties wanting a piece of my pancake but don’t worry I’m going to totally contradict myself and tell you I was seeing a guy who was 5’8 last year…

DISCLAIMER: Maxwell is not actually a midget and I would very much like to have sex with him.

12 comments:

Stephanie D said...

I am so with you on the height thing...I just can't do it...and Tom Cruise is nuts! Even if he was a tall man (and single) I could not date him.

Little Miss Me said...

I'm ashamed to say I have a thing for the real Tom Cruise...probably because he is nuts...I like crazy people, no wonder I'm still alone!

Carrymel said...

I can understand the height thing, because I def also prefer taller men (as I'm 5'7) but I did date a shorter guy and it wasn't allllll bad. He was extremely cute, in my opinion, and yea, the height was a turn off but not everything. But listen - if you can't get passed his height, that's totally your preference.

& I get what you're saying about wanting to feel "little and dainty" next to a guy. I'm the same way! I don't want to feel like I might need to take care of him if something pops off lol.

Kinky said...

Never understood the height thing, but I can't do guys with hair past their ears/shoulders, so yeah.

I have found that sex is easier if heights match up a little.

You may be onto something with the whole short=concentrated thing though! Small man syndrome... tiny emo boys.. maybe not just short, simply tiny.

Little Miss Me said...

Carrymel - You know the funny thing? Of all the guys I've had things with the only one I've ever needed to step in with when things got a little heated and sort out is actually the 6'4 Amercian Football player built like a brick shithouse...

Kinky - We're clearly opposites with men, would mean we'd never argue ;) I love guys with long hair, love them! And I used to date emo guys...

Maxwell said...

So this post has not shown up in my feed like every other one of your posts.

But now that I'm here...

...I'm going to pat myself on my back that I caused enough internet havoc in my time that I get cited in posts like this. I feel special.

And I appreciate the disclaimer.

I saw this today, and it made me think of you: Enjoy!

Little Miss Me said...

You're so awesome and yet remain so modest, how do you do it?

Hahaha I want to be exactly like that Grandma when I'm older

Kinky said...

It would be kind of amazing to wing-man each other!

Myli said...

You like what you like and that's your choice. You don't have to feel bad about that. I like white guys. I can't help it. I don't do it on purpose. I don't do it to piss off other races. It's just what I'm attracted to. Height have never been as issue for me, but I respect the fact that you're open and honest about it. Good for you!

Shane Pilgrim said...

Lol @ your disclaimer.

I feel the same way. I date girls my height or shorter. Otherwise it just seems to throw off the balance of...everything. It's weird. And I'm 6 feet even, so if a woman is taller than me then I'm not very interested. Godzilla can go back to terrorizing Tokyo.

(Wow...that was awful. Probably dropped down to the next circle of hell for that...but totally worth it.)

~SP

Little Miss Me said...

Myli - Good for us! we know what we want and that's rare!

Shane - Hahahaa that made me laugh like a toddler on a sugar high!

Kiss said...

Amen, sister! Loved this post, you're such a cutie and I'm totally agreeing, 100%! Tall men rock my socks... (and other things) ;)