Am I worried? Hell no! Right now I'm just really fucking amused with him!
Sent: Wed, 29 JunOkay this one does concern me a little...he really needs to start reading my blog posts, wednesday's would have been extremely helpful. Doesn't he know I write an online dating blog!?
From: ****
Subject: have you...
...ever tried an australian kiss?
If he was a proper stalker he would put more effort in! Mrs. Pickle said that she has a magnet on her fridge: "technically he is not a stalker until after he catches you" so honestly this dude should try and find out where I live, kidnap my pet unicorn Barry then hold him hostage until I agree to jump on his penis (stalker dudes not Barrys). Now that would grab my attention. I doubt he has even gone to the lengths of what Arlequín suggested i.e. that "he probably spent hours making up a 'you' wallpaper, complete with fade in/out pics from your profile and suitably romantic songs" he is a lazy bastard to be completely honest. No wonder I haven't replied.
Sent: Fri, 1 JulClearly he believes being a kinky little shit is more my taste, I'm starting to think I should change my profile, I must look like some kind of nymphomaniac, if this poetic dreamworld moustache man thinks I'm a whore then it must be true!
From: ****
Subject: if you...
...don't start talking i'm going to have to spank you.
From: ****Ahh shit he caught me! How does he know! I've played it so cool yet clearly my animal lust is still raging through my silent ignorance towards him, damn!
Subject: I just...
...can't get rid of you can i? I think you have a crush on me.
I've got to the point where I'm incredibly tempted to reply, just so I can see his reaction although I'm worried his balls may blow up in shocked excitement...
13 comments:
So clearly this man needs to have his penis placed into a pencil sharpener and sharpened.
But to be fair, "Australian kiss" is my favorite euphemism for oral sex. So you have to at least toast him for that. However, when he offers a free mustache ride, you should block him.
Don’t contact him because he is obviously not stable!
It would not surprise me one bit if he fucks small innocent animals.
He obviously has no social skills and has been locked up his grandmother’s basement for a few years! All while he has been jacking off to your picture with an outdated jar of mayo.
That is what I picture at least.
Hey don't diss the wallpaper idea, it took me a couple of minutes to make up one of you. Admittedly photoshopping in the wedding dress and gimp gag later took a little longer, as did scaling down pics of me, but he might have just gone for the easy option if he's lazy. The guy sounds a bit weird, so who knows?
kind of*
What if you created a fake profile and sent him a message? Just for the fun of it all. You probably don't want to respond to one of the emails he's sent to you as then BOTH his heads will be in a whorl. I finally had to force myself to stop being so snarky in my reply emails as it was just toooo much fun for me, but really warping my sense of self.
Isn't it crazy how they don't get the hint? I wouldn't suggest encouraging him, but my curiosity would probably cause me to write him. If you do write him, please tell us what happens! lol
I love your posts, I've been looking forward to reading about this fool. I think if you reply to him, he'll definitely blow a load.
Hahahahhahaha. Of course the creepy man would have a mustache. I swear they all do.
I just knew I HAD to follow someone who included "jump on his penis" in a post AND called his followers a sex basket of hotties.
As long as my stalkers are male, teenagers, and mildly attractive, I welcome them.
Such silly little games we play. What do you say we dispense with the whole "hard to get" routine? I won't send you a twelfth message. Don't think I'm that desperate.
Sincerely,
Not Your Stalker
That is very scary and creepy.
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Maxwell – Ouch I don’t even have apenis and that sounds majorly painful! A free moustache ride sounds prickly…
Mrs. Pickle – Not the poor innocent animals :(
It’s funny you mention mayo but I feel that is a story for another time
No need to fight over the first comment my faithful lovers, I want to have sex with you all equally
Arlequín – Hahaha it sounds similar to the one I’ve made of you except you are in a tux being whipped by a second version of yourself in a cowboy outfit, it’s majorly hot!
Kiss – He is so entertaining! That’s why I can’t bring myself to block him, my life would be far too empty without his moustache…
Rosie – That is not a bad idea at all and something I was already thinking of doing, maybe if I have some spare time I will give it a go! I know what you mean about the warping of yourself, I’m starting to think I’m too good for anybody…
Asian Girl – I will definitely keep you informed unless he kidnaps me and then I guess the police and news will…
PorkStar – Hehe thanks, I’m glad you like them! But then he will make a mess all over the beautiful Little Miss Me wallpaper he’s designed…
Miss Sassy Pants – You can never trust a man with a moustache!
Lemons Don't Make Lemonade – Hehe welcome to the sexbasket! I wish my stalkers were more attractive :(
Elliot MacLeod-Michael – Hahaha oh shame I was thinking maybe I would finally give in on the next message…
P. Davis – It is a little isn’t it?
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